Last night I told my story;
Twelve pages of unspeakable acts against your child!
And when I finished weeping, mother,
I burned you up!
My sister survivors held me up,
As we watched the brilliant flames
Charbroil the edges of my now-spoken rage,
And I watched you melt away!
The heat fueled my pain, though;
I feared that I , too, would die,
As I stepped up close and witnessed your fury
Reduced to harmless ash!
Oh, mother, why do I so fear
That letting go of you
Will be the death of me,
Reducing me to lifeless ashes too!
What invisible cord, toxic mother,
Keeps me bound to you,
And chokes me now,
In violent rage?
Lynne Newman
5/2/92
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You called me defiant
I AM!
Wouldn't you be if your mother
Put sharp things inside you?
And made you touch her
In ways that made you feel ashamed;
Then kissed you on the lips
In that yucky, smothery way.
And told you that you're ugly and bad
So she had to hurt you
So you'd be good the next time
And you tried but nothing helped.
Because she came back
And did it to you again
And you felt your rage grow big
And you wanted her to die
How would you feel?
How would you be?
If it happened to you
YOU'D BE DEFIANT, LIKE ME!
Lynne Newman
2/4/93
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A mighty roar is building up
Inside my raging body;
It's intensity threatens
To destroy the world!
I tremble more violently now,
As the pressure in my throat and heart
Increases to a desperate level,
And I remain unable to utter a sound.
Panic-stricken, afraid,
My heart pounds wildly,
And the scream becomes a soul-scream,
Frozen still, within my core!
Lynne Newman
12/30/92
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Rockabye baby, time for your bath;
A happy time
When babies should laugh;
Rockabye baby,
Pain sharp and deep;
Caustic intrusion, she starts to weep.
Rockabye baby, don't you dare cry;
If Daddy hears you,
You're going to die!
Rockabye baby, painfilled and sore,
God, don't let this baby
Hurt anymore!
Lynne Newman
4/15/92
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Mother's in the kitchen
seasoning our dinner
With toxic rage.
Hot dishes peppered with hate,
coated with shame,
And deep fried in fury!
Mother's at the table
spewing forth her twisted rules
for etiquette and eating.
Oh, Mother, how I wonder
who it was that seasoned your life
With such horrible pain.....
And seared your soul
with burning hatred,
And poisoned your life with bitterness!
Lynne Newman
4/15/92
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I'm scared, I'm scared......
Darkness envelopes my world!
It's black and hot in here; I can't breathe!
And I can't see the colors anymore!
Trembling, I search my soul;
What hurts? What keeps me here
In stagnant darkness,
Unable to see the colors anymore?
I cry out, overwhelmed
By the horrors of new truths,
And I sink, deeper still, into darkness.
There are no colors anymore!
Oh, God, please help me to be free
Of haunting memories
That keep me here in fear and shame....
So I can't see the colors anymore!
Lynne Newman
5/26/92
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Part I
Violent images flash before my eyes;
Furious slashes of black,
Streaked with my blood-red rage!
The sword is in my hand, mother;
Glinting, razor-sharp,
In the golden sun!
Fury propels me toward you,
As I raise my deadly sword.
And my uncontrollable rage suffuses it with life!
Silently the silver blade
Slices through the air,
Connecting with your rigid neck!
And I watch you bleeding, mother,
Gasping for your final breath!
Then, unflinchingly, I turn the blade on me!
Lynne Newman
6/1/92
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